you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
