It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
