i dedicated my morning wood to you.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
