Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
