I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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