ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize