I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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