Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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