he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
