Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
