Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
