i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
