So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
