I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize