Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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