can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
