Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The uberlube is also flammable
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
