im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
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