He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
