she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
