sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
