Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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