I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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