Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
id be glad to
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize