Moan for me like Helen Keller
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize