There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
