I just saw a hot homeless man
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
