Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He shit in the fireplace
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
