We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
