five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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