worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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