Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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