youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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