Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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