Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
