life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
