it's like iHOP with fire
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
