Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
