tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
