She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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