Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
