He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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