dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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