i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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