it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
