Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
