Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
