I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
