Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
