Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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