so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize