grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
