Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
