We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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