I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
