If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
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