My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
do herpes really smell.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
