Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
These tits shall not be calmed
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
