This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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