I wish I could punch you in the face.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize