I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
