After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
