I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
