Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize