so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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