He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize