your room smells of hookers.
And success
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
