I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
