wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
