chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i love accidental penises.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
