Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
