i need an iv and a liver transplant
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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