Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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