it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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