Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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