he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
