sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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