Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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