I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
